Okay, I know it’s called Random Words of Wisdom but today I feel like ranting. This time it will be renamed Random Rant of Rufio (which has a nice ring to it if I may say so). Now I am the king of silver lines. So, if you bear with me, I may be able to make it back to a place of wisdom. Though, being honest, most of you take these as a joke anyway. None of you realize how strongly I am trying to channel Confucius for you people! But I digress. On to the rant I eluded to earlier.

The Smart Car. It is a vehicle about the size of the Jolly Green Giant’s G-string. If you look at a Smart Car straight on, it looks like an emoticon with a windshield. It is so cute, you feel like a molester being inside of one. And you know what? I hate all eight devil-worshiping feet of it!

Now you may say, “But Rufio, it’s good for the environment with it’s low emiss… ummm never mind.” I’m guessing you would stop mid sentence because of how I yelled at you in the I Can’t See Me piece. Nonetheless, you are correct. Being a micro car, it has lower emissions, takes up less space; there are a multitude of good things you can say about the car. My beef, however, is actually not with the Smart Car.

Do you know what I hate more than the Smart Car?

“Shape Ups by Skechers?” Not quite.

“Eating right?” NO, jerk!

“Tyler Perry toting a pistol to force feed you the bologna he stuffs his bras with?” Well, yes, actually. That was an eerily specific guess.

But the answer I was looking for was Smart Car drivers. They are the most pretentious, self involved bunch since the creators of Twitter.

If the legends are true, buyers would have them sent from overseas. That is not as much eco-friendly as it is asinine. That’s just strike one. Have you ever seen a bigger living and breathing Summer’s Eve product than one that stepped out of a Smart Car? “Oh, look at me and my tiny vehicle! I’m helping the planet!” I love Earth. But I refuse to drive around in what amounts to the protection of a refrigerator box on the road for nature. Dying in a Smart car crash is akin to the tragic loss of David Carradine (please Google that right now).

No one rides in a weaponless Mario Kart for the environment. They do it to look important. The problem is it’s hard to look important driving with your knees under your chin. So now you look double stupid. Message to the Smart Car owner: get off your high horse. As a matter of fact, a literal high horse would have been a better purchase as it will get you further and has a stronger chassis!

I’m sure you regular humans can find some wisdom in that somewhere.